


On the Verge

by weakzen



Category: Pillars of Eternity
Genre: Angst, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-18
Updated: 2018-11-17
Packaged: 2019-08-25 04:19:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,548
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16654129
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/weakzen/pseuds/weakzen
Summary: Six years after her exile, Pallegina's chance at redemption begins to slip away when she unexpectedly loses her zeal.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Pillars Prompts Weekly #55, a loss of powers

Edér took a pull from his pipe, then smirked as he exhaled.

“Go on, ask her what her favorite color is.”

“Please don't,” Aloth muttered, shaking his head slightly.

“No way. I am _not_ answering that. You're just gonna make fun of me— _again_.”

“Captain, I could not,” Tekēhu said, his brow knitting as he placed his hand over his heart. “I may dream of you in many different ways, but making fun of you has never once been amongst them.”

Aloth rolled his eyes and took another drink as Pallegina shifted forward.

“Cuè? I would like to know too,” she said, poking the fire with a stick. “I do not think I was there to hear this one back in the Dyrwood.”

“That's right. See? Now you gotta tell 'em both.”

Saucco sloshed inside the bottle she was holding as Seraphina jabbed her finger at Edér. “Why don't _you_ tell them _your_ favorite color.”

“Green, easy. Aloth's is blue,” Edér continued, raising his fingers one by one. “Sagani's was orange. Kana's was green too. And Hiravius liked pink.” The corner of his mouth turned up. “Like the color inside—”

“Yes,” Aloth interrupted, clearing his throat. “We remember. Thank you.”

Tekēhu stroked his chin. “Ekera, if we are sharing, and if I am forced to pick just one, I must say the rich color of a storm-churned wave has always stirred something joyous in this fickle artist's heart.”

“Well that sounds great, buddy. What about you, Pallegina?”

She pointed to the magenta stripe on her shoulder and smiled.

“Alright then. Now everybody knows everyone's favorite color, 'cept yours,” Edér said, glancing back to Seraphina. “You really gonna hold out on 'em?”

“Ugh, _fine_.” Seraphina folded her arms and sighed. Then she glanced downwards, toeing a patch of sand. “It's… brown. My favorite color is brown, okay?” she said, looking up again.

Pallegina raised an eyebrow and Tekēhu cocked his head to the side as he pressed his fingers to his lips.

“Of all the brilliant colors available in Amira's rainbow, you would choose… _brown_?” Tekēhu whispered the word, his brow furrowing. “Captain— _why_?”

“You gonna tell 'em or do I gotta?”

Seraphina made a noise of disgust then lurched to her feet.

“What, exactly, is wrong with brown, huh?! I don't get it!” She folded her arms and frowned, swaying slightly as she stared down at the group. “You always know _exactly_ what you're getting with brown. What more do you want?”

Pallegina pressed her lips together, but she couldn't stop the snort that escaped her, or the silent quivering that seized her stomach. The corners of Tekēhu's eyes crinkled as he covered his mouth with both hands. Edér grinned openly and even Aloth bit back a smile as he looked at the ground, his fingers tightening around his cup.

“Per complanca,” Pallegina said, shaking her head. “Brown… _merla_.”

Tekēhu's eyes glittered mirthfully. “Ekera, precisely that.”

Laughter rumbled deep in Pallegina's throat then. It burst past her lips, loud, guttural, and unwitting. Everybody erupted with her. Tekēhu fell forward and slapped his knee while Edér clutched his pipe and wheezed. Aloth kept his gaze cast downward, slowly shaking his head, but the tremor of his sides and the liquid jostling to the rim of his cup betrayed his own amusement.

Seraphina herself struggled to maintain a stern expression, the corner of her mouth twitching.

“Look,” she said sharply, pointing her finger again, “I don't know why I have to keep telling all of you _jerks_ this, but bright colors are _dangerous_ in the Living Lands, okay? Brown is _safe_! Brown is _reliable_! Brown will keep your sorry asses alive _every time_ , even though none of you ingrates deserve it!”

“Captain,” Tekēhu gasped, holding out his hand as he glanced up to her. “Your favorite type of brown—would you say it's more of a firm, solid shade, or a liquid?”

Edér howled and doubled over, tears streaming down his ruddy cheeks. Aloth buried his face in his hand and let out an undignified sputter. Tekēhu roared with glee and Pallegina's laughter pitched to a hoarse wheeze, her chest straining against her breastplate with each convulsion that racked her torso.

“Neither, Tekēhu. It's more of a reddish-brown color,” Seraphina said, her grin finally winning. “You know, like after you eat too many koīkis.”

Another peal of laughter burst from Edér, so quickly he almost choked on it. As he coughed, Tekēhu slapped his back a few times, then slung an arm around the other man's shoulders. Seraphina plopped to the ground next to Aloth, who downed the last of his cup and offered her a sheepish grin when she nudged him with her shoulder. Her own laughter fading, Pallegina wiped the corners of her eyes and took a swallow of her own drink, sucking air through her teeth as the alcohol burned across her tongue and down her throat to pool in her belly. Her limbs buzzed pleasantly and her cheeks hurt from smiling. Her stomach would be sore tomorrow too, she knew, but less sore than it had been earlier this year, when they forced her to start laughing again.

She had… missed it.

And them.

A few faces were absent from around the fire but, if she ignored the humidity and ambient jungle noise, it almost felt as though they were all back in the Dyrwood. A dull ache rolled through her chest then, though she could not say why. A longing for times passed, perhaps? It seemed pointless to yearn, whatever the reason. The past was the past and so much had changed since then, for all of them.

Deep wrinkles now creased the corners of Edér's eyes, and those same eyes spent more time gazing towards a distant horizon than glancing back to the war. He smiled with more sadness and teased with less carelessness, and he spent his evenings these days troubling Aloth for help with spelling while he carefully penciled letters to Bearn, rather than antagonizing the elf as he once did.

Perhaps that was in part because Aloth finally had the room to stand and speak, with Iselmyr quieted, and he would no longer suffer injustice silently. Time had marked passage across his face as well, slicing scars over his cheek and brow. Uncertainty still churned in his eyes, though it did so with less intensity and it calmed altogether whenever he slipped his hand into the Watcher's when he thought no one was looking.

And despite death and spiritual dismemberment, Seraphina herself seemed more whole and hale than ever. She stood taller without insanity on her back and laughed louder and far more often without Thaos' hands around her throat. Her small frame had filled out with muscle and, although Pallegina could not see the woman's eyes, she knew they were bright and she knew exactly where they were looking.

But—what of herself, though?

What was she now, almost six years of disgrace and exile later?

Pallegina supposed she would have to look into a mirror first to decide, but she never had been able to stand the sight of her own face.

She downed the rest of her drink and raised her cup for another. They continued to pull smiles and laughter from her all evening, until her face felt bruised, until her stomach ached and she peeled off her armor and collapsed into her bedroll, too tired and light and carefree to give it the maintenance it deserved.

Tomorrow, she thought, as she drifted to sleep, as recent conversation looped inside her mind while the tent spun around her.

She would clean it tomorrow.

 

\---

 

The next day, her flames guttered out.

Alarm surged through Pallegina as she momentarily gaped at her sword, but it was quickly forgotten when a blade arced toward her. She whipped her weapon up to block it. Metal screamed and she parried. She pushed forward, shouldering, snaking her foot out to trip her opponent. Then she jabbed the point of her sword down into a piercing spray of red.

She didn't need her flames to win a fight.

Afterward, when she knelt above their fallen enemies, panting as she wiped her weapon clean, Edér turned to her.

“You okay there, Pallegina?”

“Ac. I am uninjured.”

He wiped at the sweat on his brow with his glove, smearing grit and gore across his skin. “That's, uh, not what I meant. Your, uh—your flames,” he said, gesturing to her sword. “They up and disappeared. And I don't think you meant for that to happen.”

Pallegina inhaled sharply and stilled, her back tensing as her jaw tightened.

“Agracima, Edér,” she exhaled coolly, a moment later. “Without you around to tell me, I fear I would never know my own intentions.”

Edér pushed his hand into his hair, his brow knitting together. “Now, that ain't what I meant—”

“Then do not speak to me of what _I_ meant to do.”

Naked hurt rippled across Edér's face and Pallegina turned away to wipe at her weapon with renewed intensity. Regret twisted in her chest. She squeezed the grip of her sword and angled the blade so she could not see herself or any of them in it. There was nothing to be concerned about, other than hastily cleaning up after this battle so they could make it back to the ship before nightfall.

Footsteps crunched behind her. Seraphina's boots walked into her field of vision and stopped in front of her. The Watcher crouched down and folded her arms across her knees. In her blade, Pallegina could see a reflection of the other woman's mouth pressed into a worried and annoying little frown.

“You want to stop and take a breather? We're in no hurry, you know.”

Pallegina shifted her sword again and did not look up.

“I am fine. Let us move on.”

They did, encountering more fights along the way.

And, as much as she tried during all of them, Pallegina could no longer ignite her flames.


	2. Chapter 2

They could have made it back to the ship, had they pressed on.

How unfortunate that, after Pallegina had rejected the offer of rest, the Watcher herself developed a painful headache and requested they stop and set up camp so she could lay down. How strange that her sudden affliction had not prevented her from secreting away to bathe in a nearby spring, or from slipping into Aloth's bedroll later that night after the fire had been extinguished. How wonderful, too, that she had apparently recovered enough the next day to rise with the dawn and help prepare a meal for everyone.

Pallegina rolled her eyes and let the tent flap fall behind her as she walked out onto the beach.

The sky blushed in muted pinks and the cool air teased her skin. Smoke drifted from a crackling fire, over which Aloth tended to a kettle and pots while Seraphina chopped fruits and vegetables. In the distant surf, Tekēhu spun towering spires from the sea against a backdrop of puffy, mountainous clouds. Edér leaned against a nearby palm, smoking and smiling faintly as he watched Tekēhu's water sparkle and twine in the low light of the morning sun.

Pallegina walked over and stood next to him, her arms folded as she watched too.

“What kind of fish does he hope to catch with that?”

Edér's smile widened around the stem of his pipe. “Dunno, but I'm real excited to find out.”

He glanced over to her. She met his gaze and held it for a long moment, then nodded slightly. He smiled again, softly, and they both walked over to where he had already laid out towels, a fresh pair of waterskins, and their sparring equipment.

Fragments of Tekēhu's singing carried across the sand as they put on their gear and, from the corner of her eye, Pallegina spied Aloth eating a piece of mango from Seraphina's fingers. Another reluctant smile pulled at the corners of her lips. Edér wrested it free entirely, after they tightened each others vambraces and he handed her a sword, his fingers briefly brushing her own as she took it.

She always had enjoyed facing this farm boy, the one man in her lifetime of sparring partners who had never mocked her or underestimated her ability.

Their dull blades whistled through the air and crashed together repeatedly, ringing loud, metallic echoes above the waves and bird calls. Pallegina lost herself in the fluid motion and mindless reaction. Parry. Dodge. Hit. Spin. Her feints. The shift of his weight. The tell of his squint and his left leg. The rise and fall of his chest and her own. Her knowing smirk and his answering grin. The sweat rolling down her temple and the sand sticking to his skin. The sand scraped by his sword up into her face and her kick that slammed him to the ground.

Her exhilarated, panting smile as she knelt atop his chest, her blade gently crossing his throat, and his half-lidded gaze when he stared up at her, grinned, and let his own weapon fall as he spread his fingers.

Tekēhu walked past then, humming loudly as he carried a clump of seaweed and a bundle of red snapper by the tails.

“Captain,” he called out, raising the fish. “I'm afraid I couldn't find any brown ones today.”

He chuckled and ducked when Seraphina threw a piece of onion at him.

Pallegina stood and extended her hand to pull Edér from from the ground.

“Again?” she asked, more breathless than she would have liked.

“Well, breakfast ain't ready yet,” Edér said, winking. “I'll try'n keep up 'til then.”

She smiled as he stepped back and readied his weapon.

The sun rose higher as they clashed to the noise of Tekēhu's distracting and unnecessary cheering. When they stopped to breathe, a few good rounds later, Aloth pressed a cup of tea into her hands and a mug of murkbrew into Edér's. She sat on a large piece of sun-bleached driftwood nearby and dabbed her brow with a towel. Edér sat next to her as she pressed her cup to her lips, closed her eyes, and inhaled the aroma of dark spice before taking a sip. Cinnamon and cloves rolled richly across her tongue, followed by the bite of pepper, its sharp edge softened beautifully with just the right amount of coconut cream and palm sugar.

Her tea was perfect and precisely to her liking, as it always was when Aloth made it for her.

By the time Pallegina reached its last, delicious dredges, Seraphina called them over for bowls of fluffy rice topped with spicy fish curry. When they joined each other to eat in a circle near the fire, Pallegina glanced over at the other woman.

“Feeling better?”

“Oh, you know it,” Seraphina replied, grinning mischievously. “Thanks for taking care of me, aimica.”

A sly and sincere smile pulled at Pallegina's lips.

“Bon piaco.”

As they ate, as Pallegina enjoyed the flavors of the meal, as she relaxed into the rhythm of their banter and their laughter and the warmth rolling off the sand and from Edér where he sat by her side, she felt something soft stir and flutter deep within her.

It almost felt like zeal.


End file.
